for. Teatime has summed it up beautifully in their response to your initial comment. But I am not motivated by traditional measures of success anymore. It has been an exhausting time many of us could simply use a holiday. One of those would have been the perfect size for me: they were certainly the perfect size for my elderly neighbors in the 90s. Grandiose dreams of all-encompassing glory. Anxiety. Theres no reason to believe their connections or interpersonal relationships will suffer. Now, its expected that any hour of the week, anywhere you might be, you could be working. Im not a stressed anxious mess like I was at my last job. The basic unemployment benefit is not high, but to pays the rent. Rather, I wanted to share that youre not alone. All that to say, give yourself some grace. is probably something a lot of people are feeling right now. They will probably come to you naturally. THIS is how you become an Elder in the truest sense of the world. I just found out Im seriously underpaid now what? I get that but Im advising my nieces and nephews to seek balance. Depression, anxiety, burnout all of these things can look different to different people, AND can look different for one person from year to year. Not being ambitious probably mean that you are unable to decide which way to go. Because she was simply being truthful to a friend by stating a sentiment shed dare not whisper inside her company. hello basically-an-atheist, nearly 40 and unmarried self who is STILL paying off the degree I almost didnt finish because I became severely depressed partway through. Or you can hear that quiet invitation to growth, and begin the hard work of learning how to let go of who you thought you were in order to understand and love who you ARE. From what Ive heard, these chunks of time really do help people to reset and even reevaluate their lives and jobs. A person can work hard and work steadily and still end up working until their dying day. Thanks to viral megatests, a 'cold' may not be so common anymore It's completely ego-driven. WTC. Why do you think so? Figure out a new vision for your life. I think the difference is that in that letter, the OPs friend wanted to describe their time off as a sabbatical in a resume (which Im not sure I disagree with), versus here, commenters are suggesting to OP that they consider taking a sabbatical of sorts. Plus I realize now that I had bought into all these beliefs about how the world had to work and Covid lockdowns proved that the world would continue without those things. You could argue that this makes us better or worse at leadership, depending on your viewpoint. Kindred spirit here, LW. That is where the conversations about mental health and career dissatisfaction are coming from. Follow that for a while and see what evolves. July 17, 2023, 8:00 pm, by But the problem with that is that our Career is at the mercy of forces out of our control. This sounds like I wrote it, OP, though I live in a red state. I am not really burned out, just not passionate about it anymore and even though I am making good money, I just dont want to anymore. You can take the job and set limits; youre going to be productive for 40 hours a week. by Im definitely part of the group in paragraph 2. scary but good. I know a lot of friends in this position. You say this doesnt feel like burnout youve had in the past but there are different kinds of burnout. (My job was particularly intense in 2019, so I was burned out before we even hit the pandemic, and while things are better at work now three years of extremely intense stress and a high workload has left me completely mentally exhausted.) I love it and enjoy it. Its WORK. I am not an ambitious person anymore : r/hsp - Reddit It is so easy in many cultures to see life as something that is all about getting more and more money, power, excitement, prestige, stamps on your passport, etc etc. I have looked around to see if another job might pique my interest more, but nothing so far. They cant really complain because I am already delivering at a higher level than others but cant figure out what to do. OP, did you love the work you did or did you love the crazy level of activity it provided? So I would recommend that you look at people in your life who you love and/or admire who *dont* derive most of their lifes meaning from work. Can you elaborate? Meanwhile, my boss and grand boss (who both have degrees in acting) are THRIVING now that their audience is back. I was in a financial position to afford it but I felt like a real piece of gross just sitting on my behind not working. Just gonna observe that I suspect that a whole lot of people who have opted for the tiny-home/vanlife lifestyle have done so for pretty much the same reasons. And part of finding our own happiness is letting go of others expectations of us an outside view of ambition and figuring it out for ourselves. Joan Didion said, Ive lost touch with the person I used to be. Sometimes its like that its not a crisis, its not a problem, you just slowly lose touch with your former self and realize one day that youve changed. ), lmb asks her readers not to tell new readers that they need to read other books 1st. If OP is getting this feeling about this job opportunity, thats a good sign. Interests and passions change. Beyond the written contract, we all form psychological contracts that are to do with what we expect from work and what work expects from us she explains. my company wont allow any name changes, ever, for anyone, boss uses therapy to analyze our interactions, former coworker listed me as her manager, and more. For example, if youd like to become a top-notch psychotherapist, go to a prestigious conference for psychotherapists, COVID safe, of course. Personally its spending my work time with people I dont know well or care for much beyond passing acquaintance, and my free time very far away from people I love. Make connections. Thats wonderful to hear. Im feeling very Old Bilbo-ish, like too little butter scraped across too much bread. A LONG time. You make a comparison to a romantic relationship. Hovering on the edge of progressing towards worse. Kinda reignited a lot of things. Now, take that back to 65. I took the better part of a year off after leaving a role that had been hell for my mental health. Others get tired of being keen all the time, especially if its a keen-ness born not primarily from fascination, but from a sense of should.. I came back FT a few years later and have steadily improved my jobs since. Doing, in essence, the same work the whole time. Do it! The uptick in conversations about people being unhappy arent documenting a sudden, new phenomenon: theyre the result of people suddenly feeling permission to admit all the things theyve been holding in for a while and receiving validation theyre not alone in that, or realizing that not only does it make sense to ask certain questions it seemed pointless to ask before, they might actually be able to generate some change by bringing this stuff up. Writer, I have gone through this for the past two years. Sometimes its the small things that turn out to be your talents, but because Id been constantly told that I needed something serious like becoming a broker or an engineer or a lawyer Id thought of my skills as useless and silly . VDOM DHTML tml>. I thought maybe I would get used to that and figured if theyre paying me to sit here and play games on my phone while I wait for work to come in, thats fine with me. It will help you process how your childhood poverty is impacting your life and how to both come to terms with it and make healthy decisions. Id worked closely with companies in marketing and entertainment that shared my values and paid very generously for my consultation and design help. Then they look at the deliverables and get lost. What if its OK to not ACTUALLY care-care, but PRETEND to care enough during working hours and produce good enough work to keep the paycheck? I guess everyone has something in their culture that used to define them and Im sure the other focuses also can have their drawbacks and downsides but I didnt choose to be born into a culture thats work-obsessed. I think thats really cool! I wish I was able to just take time off and figure out whats up with me and I cant logistically do that. Franciscan and Benedictine are my cups of tea, but seek out whatever pops up in your area! The answer to this is quite simple, really. Yeah, seems like for a lot of years back, elder millennials and Gen X-ers are like hey, you were born into (relative) peace! Theyre the ones who know the industry, know the company, and Get Things Done. (and OP, I couldnt agree more about the growing up poor thing- that kinda of security-scarcity mindset is hard to shake). Dont let your friendships and loved ones pass you by. It's their definition of 'ambitious' I was trying to live up to. What looks like no ambition, goals, or dreams to the outside world is a battle to assert and hold on to your place in it. Ill add quotation marks to it, as Im sure it was the writers intent. I used to be really driven, too, and now I just want evenings and weekends off to lie on my couch and drink gin in my underpants. So I stopped working. Grow and fly, friend. To complicate things, I live in one of those socialist hellholes. In other words, I have excellent unemployment insurance, free health care, and so on. Youve got the rest of your life to work. Now, we turn to you. Give yourself a break or explore. Because they were holding on to something. Once upon a time, we might have taken it for granted that a work deadline would take priority over a family event; or that success meant chasing promotions, bonuses, awards. not. 7 Reasons You Have No Motivation to Work and How to Overcome Them - Zippia Ive been a classic overachiever since I was very young, and there is something scary about not being that anymore. The mental illness (or unwellness) has always been there. If you havent found it in 3 months reevaluate. I am rooting for the LW, who seems to have a current situation of flexibility and interesting work that serves them very well. We have teenagers who walk the path of elder wisdom and senior citizens who still cling firmly to ego and avoid self-reflection. Yup! And the world I just dont identify with my work any more, and the writing part of my job, which thankfully isnt the larger part of the work at my level of seniority, is basically just another task. I also have skills I like developing. That kind of change can be terrifying, but the rewards can surprise you. not willing to wait for something or someone: not patient wanting or eager to do something without waiting Then as things went on I began to wonder if I was looking at the rest of my life.) Its okay to let this new information shape us and shape how we want our lives to play out. If you can afford it, you should absolutely turn down the job and live your life. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in October and it definitely made me feel less driven and just generally not like myself. I am going through the same dont want to work struggle. I leaned out, leaned out hard and have strong boundaries against leaning back in too hard. Hi I think the sabbatical idea is a great one. Maybe these ideas can help: If youve worked hard at your Ambition A and had dispiriting results and even tried Ambition B without sufficient success, it may be wise to consider the con arguments in the exchange above. No, do not take the perfect job just because you think you should! Also ITS OK FOR YOUR JOB NOT TO MEAN EVERYTHING. Ive been working to unlearn that and approach work as something I do to earn enough money to live. See also: the conversation about race in America. However, now that I dont have to expend as much of my social energy at work, I find myself directing it in different places. Maybe you missed it? Havent gotten an answer from myself so far.. My advice would be: If you have the luxury of being financially independent, do what you really want to do. However, it is generally strongly frowned upon to consciously collect unemployment benefit while healthy and employable. Shop up to 70% off, Every pair of shorts you'll need this summer. Always there, only recently spotlighted. The only reason I continue to do paid work at this point (I quit my job and took a job that pays significantly less and requires significantly less energy and commitment from me, which has no position I can be promoted into fairly dead end) is so my children have a roof over their head and food in their mouths. Have I Run Out of Ambition? - The Cut by the Families and Work Institute found that workers begin losing their ambition to get promoted or seek out more responsibilities around age 35. You may have been burnt out during a single intense job in the past, but now you might be burnt out on working/capitalism/etc. I dont believe the old promises of rewards will happen if I just Work Hard, so I dont want to make the old sacrifices of 60+ hours weeks. Ive been in a wonderful job for awhile that has, on paper, provided me everything Ive asked for (except a higher salary but there are tradeoffs at times for that!). Lets apply it to world events as they can impact us on the individual level. They failed in achieving what they wanted. I know for myself that plain ole working doesnt make me happy. Should You Be More Ambitious, or Less? | Psychology Today Unlike OP, though, in my case its partly due to depression: pandemic aside, Ive had a lot of upheaval in my personal life in the last 3 years. The folks who I saw who were fortunate to experience very little personal chaos in the early part of the pandemic, and were able to accept the situation with more patience and equanimity, seem to be dealing now with a slow burn of accumulated stress and reckoning with life changes that werent obvious at first but now have to be dealt with. what I had enough of a hefty resume in to actually find a job in) before my savings ran out. Above all else, keep yourself and your home safe. I did conscious inner work with the Enneagram (Im a 3, surprise), but I also just existed, moved slowly, let things work themselves out inside. I learned this from the shaman Rud Iand. It may just be that in the end, the freelancing work turns out to be the best and most interesting thing the writer ends up doing! lean in and all that. Those are two great starting points, and they could help you find out more stuff to want. When I turned forty, I became very selective about the people I spent time with. For your second question how to deal with a radical change in your self-image and what you want from life well I am, in some ways, at a similar place as the OP, but I actually left freelancing to take the dream job and the job itself turned out to be not the dream I had imagined. Most people have mixed feelings about work. They were highly driven, highly competitive individuals who were always ready and willing to do whatever it took to get to the top. That means stuff will fail and be late until management fixes it or other people step up. To continue that analogy, a good person at the wrong time is still not the *right* person, and likewise a good job at the wrong time is not the *right* job for you in that moment. This reminds me of a quote from Jane Eyre, During these eight years my life was uniform, but not unhappy, because it was not inactiveI availed myself fully of the advantages offered mebut at the end of that time I alteredI tired of the routine of eight years in one afternoon.. While youre still young and healthy. If I lost my job tomorrow, though, other than figuring out the nuts and bolts of reconstituting my income I would fundamentally be OK. Thats because the groundwork I put in on accepting myself and loving myself as well as the physiological work on my breathing and the whole state of being gives me a stable foundation for approaching life. Im an author, farmer & mother. A lot of the time, its not the work itself thats the motivation, its having nice co-workers and the feeling that what you do matters to other people in some small way. The pandemic has not helped. I could have written OPs letter, except I dont live in socialist dreamland where quitting my job wouldnt have enormous consequences for my family and I am currently employed. Solution: Take steps to increase your productivity. What can you do or enjoy now that you dont have the same drives you used to? OMG. Go easy on yourself you dont have to solve your complicated feelings right now. You can choose to ignore the invitation, because it is a scary path, particularly in the US youth-obsessed society that relegates old people to the back-burner of importance. I had never heard this before, but it makes a lot of sense and Im going to see if I can use it to get out of my own Languishing mode! Clearly trends cant apply to each individual so theres a variety of sentiments and approaches here. I went through the exact same thing and after decades of striving found that I wasnt all that interested in taking the job that Id always wanted passionately and was part of my self image. Besides, many people who dreamed big and succeeded are no happier than many unambitious people, witness all the performers who have drug problems and even committed suicide. Im 52 and Ive gone through a couple radical changes myself and observed other people do the same. This feels crappy right now, and it will take some adjustment. Thanks, the username actually has an interesting history if you google it! LW knows their situation best and I dont mean to question that, just to push back gently on the thought that burnout or depression always look/work the same. This has been life changing. As I grew up, I internalized this definition of ambitious that was thrown at me: famous, focused on the end goal, always on top, always seeking status and peoples approval. Alot of people over the last several decades (myself included) have thrown themselves into the idea of being driven, career focused and the being the best because that whats supposed to be rewarding. Totally! The first few months were really, really hard. For me, it has been accentuated by the illness of a parent, which (at least for me) really brought into focus the reality that Im already half-way through this journey and Im not sure that the way Ive been living is the way that I want to live the second half. Did I struggle financially for the couple of years after the sabbatical? SWEET DREAMS, OR NAH If I Don't Dream, Is There Something Wrong With Me? Is it that Im in the wrong field? The happiness factor can have real implications on our success and promotability. My social calendar had never been more jam-packed, even though it was all done through my laptop! I know its hard not to take a steady income when you come from a low income background, but you sound very prepared to take some time for yourself. I usually feel better on days that I get to work from home and endure less of those grating situations. You have the means to do whatever feels right to you right now without significant hardship. OP, I have no clue which Face of God you see, or even if you see one but it might be worth seeing if there is a monastery or retreat space where you can simply start to learn who you ARE when you let what you DO / HAVE / who you know stop defining you. If you have the means, Id say its okay to take time off. Breathe, reflect, and perhaps enact. Connections with family and friends, and time to do things you enjoy, would be considered more important by most people I know than a big career, provided you can earn a living. Who are you inside? If its an obligation, it sucks. It all seems so pointless. But I don't even see the point of being successful. But I also think theres a difference between being satisfied or happy at work and thinking it matters. After some reflection about what matters to me OUTSIDE of work (having a home doesnt have to be a house but where I can properly host guests, and finally have a pet) Im now set to meet with a career coach/consultant/counsellor to help me look at my transferable skills and target a work search where the work doesnt matter as much as funding (and geographically supporting) the life I want to have outside of work. Anne Helen Peterson has been doing an incredible deep dive into the culture of work for works sake / negative aspects of capitalism for a while, particularly in her Substack community. I just wanted to say, youre not alone buddy, I feel you. Its a natural thing for your priorities to change, and you should listen to what your inner voice is saying. A lack of motivation can have many sources, from fatigue to anxiety to feelings of overwhelm. (Any advice that isnt dont graduate into a recession that is). I also grew up with absolutely no money, so deliberately not working was a big mental hurdle. Did it feel awesome to get two concurrent master degrees while working a part-time job because you adored both of the degrees and the job was too great to pass up, or was there also maybe a high from being so productive and successfulsomething thats really highly valued by our society? By Nicola. How can you go back when youve just discovered that what you had before was nebulous at best and what lies ahead is never guaranteed? Finally, I had transferred internationally for my role about 7 years ago, so that adds to my own sense of stuck-ness. Or maybe theyll find their new passion to make a career out of? Im under no illusions about the pay and benefit issues with adjunct, but if my good grace and grit OP is in a situation where that isnt a major concern to her perhaps she would find some passion in being able to pay it forward to the next generation, and also keep her skills sharp // potentially work part time. Perhaps its time to focus your striving on appreciating the small stuff, the things that, for most people, lead to greater contentment: meaningful even if modest work, good relationships, health, and sensory pleasures, from sex to nature's wonders. I burned out early as I was a total keener all through school, holding jobs, doing extracurriculars, pushing myself academically, and then full-time work post-graduation hit me like a 10-ton truck. Forgive me if Im wrong, but I think you might be on the cusp of this journey its the feeling of, Well Ive done everything society says I need to do in order to be successful but now what??. Begin with yourself. For some, it might be doing some good in the world, like working in a famine stricken country or with children at risk or becoming a foster carer or adoptive parent. Most people would probably want to take long breaks from working if they could. Suddenly questioning your career choices / motivation, and your self-image, is exactly what a midlife crisis is. , Joseph Schwartz and Joan Broderick found that as you progress through your twenties, you worry less. Looking back I now think of the exercises I learned as the building blocks of my real future success and the tools that helped me start to see that my lack of career ambition was actually a prompting to discover my own gifts and intuitive expertise. Find someone to talk to that can guide the next stage of your life. Researchers attributed this decline in motivation to the demands of having children. Ambition is a very important personality trait to measure as it has a great impact on many areas of our lives. Especially when that involves family, aging parents, etc. Try new things. But now, the veil of fear has been lifted. But the idea of giving away my life to some large corporation who couldnt care less if I lived or died horrified me (and it still does). "On average, ambitious people attain higher levels of education and income, build more prestigious careers, and report higher overall levels of life satisfaction," says Neel Burton, psychiatrist and author of "Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of the Emotions." "Many of man's . I wrote down a list of what Id always wanted to try without focusing on money or career specifically.
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